Monday, December 08, 2008

in like 800 years...

I had a hard evening with my dad. He is mostly confused and i can't understand what he is saying usually. I try to guess and answer, or comfort him. He often seems to look right through me.

Many of us have told him that he can go. I hadn't yet and so my mom told me to tell him he could let go. I tried several times but couldn't. then later, he wanted to get out of the bed. he insisted. My mom told him he couldn't, he was too weak. He said "why???" (over and over) and my mom finally said "you're dying, joe" and my dad looked right at her, shocked... then started crying. She hugged him and either he put his arms around her or she did. Then she waved me over and we both hugged him. then she said "Cassie needs a hug" so I hugged him and told him that we would be okay. That we will take care of mom, that we know he loves us and we all love him. Jesus is waiting for him. He can let go. he can go. he started talking to me in very loving soothing tones, but I couldn't understand any of it. Then, I looked up at him after a minute and he said "It'll be okay". I said "I know it will". He put his lips together and waited for a kiss, I kissed him & then hugged him again & kissed his cheek and told him "It's okay." Well, at least it WILL be.. someday. if you know me, you know my next line probably wants to be "yeah.. in like 800 years!" and it feel like that long til I'll be okay.

8 comments:

traci said...

it was definitely a kleenex post for me. thank you for blogging this, cassie. i hope that it is a sort of therapy for you. for me, it allows me to read what is going on without you having to choke through it over the phone. what you said to your dad was very brave. prayers and hugs.

Michael said...

Good stuff Cas. Can't say more. If it was your last moment with Dad, it was not all bad. Love you,
Michael

Cassie said...

What.. you mean it isn't an uplifting start to your day? :)
thanks for reading. I couldn't even speak it all to Kirk. I had him read the post.

Tracy said...

wow. What a tender time for you & your parents. I know it is excruciating to face this, but what a blessing to have such real points of connection and love expressed along the way.

Karen Putz said...

Definitely the kleenex here. Hugs.

Jen said...

You are so strong! I will continue my prayers for you and your family.

Michael said...

time for a new entry?

Cassie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.