Saturday, December 06, 2008
yeah.. I pretty much go to my parents house to be with my mom now. I know my dad knows me when I come in, but he barely wakes up or smiles. When people from hospice come in, he perks up more (the "stranger" factor that is just his personality). it is hard to see but it reminds me of my dad. The man in the bed really doesn't otherwise. If he gets angry, it reminds me of him. If I just look at him, I feel like i have fast-forwarded 10 or 20 years and I see my dad at that age. With so little fat on him, his face is so skinny and old looking. When he talks, I can't make sense of the words it and it is not very clear sounding anyway. Sometimes he knows and gets frustrated when I don't understand, but many times I just try to answer what he thinks I'm saying and he doesn't react. I'm thankful he is still in no pain (except some muscle pain which the pain med takes care of) and he doesn't seem sad or mad or anything. He is just going through the motions in a way.
For my mom's sake and his, I pray he goes soon. I know if he were aware he would say "How can we move this along!???" He would be impatient with this. Luckily, he is so tired and so confused that he doesn't know what mom is going through and how it is hard on us. He was afraid of how it would be for us. I just want him to be whole and be able to watch the wedding from heaven and be at Peace. soon. soon. soon??