{sniff}

I told my mom that I wanted something from my dad.. something he picked. She asked him and he can't think of anything. He said he has all boy stuff. My mom overheard him asking the massage therapist. I will probably just ask for something myself. I did tell her I wanted something of his that he wore... so it smells like him. I'm big on smells. They trigger memory for me more than anything else. When I sat next to him I tried to memorize the smell too. Now I will have it forever. No need to memorize.

He's getting worse. He fell twice since I saw him 3 days ago. Someone needs to be with him all the time now. ow. ow ow ow.. It just doesn't fit. My strong dad who took care of me.. needs taking care of. How can this be? It feels wrong. It feels like this should be years.. no DECADES away. I know this happens. I know this is what everyone sees happen to their parents. Maybe I'm lucky. At least I saw them grow to this age. I had years of memories of two parents, together in a loving relationship. That is pretty rare I suppose.

I hope I am okay with God's timing. It will be okay. It will.
but..
but.
[sigh]
I need my dad to tell me that.